Addendum to previous:

16 May 08 | 08:21

I've noticed that whenever I post about the frustrating, toilsome, degrading, or downright insulting problems that arise in the course of my day job, someone inevitably has to tell me how I'm a stupid whiner who doesn't appreciate his awesome luck in being able to write about video games. Because clearly all I do all day is just play video games. Delivered to me daily on a gilt, quilted pillow by sexually willing harem girls in the employ of fabulously wealthy video game publishers. Accompanied by free swag and lobster tails.

This is a job, just like any other. I write and manage content during the day, so most of the time I spend playing the games I review comes after my 10-hour day at the office and late into the night. This is time that people in healthier careers regard as "personal time." But not me! I rarely have time to do anything interesting on weekends, because, well, I'm working. This is something of a strain on my relationship, since my girlfriend doesn't particularly appreciate the hours I'm expected to keep -- especially on the salary I'm offered. And then there are the "relationships" at work, the political interactions which constantly remind you of two things. (One:) That as a person who puts a rating on a product, developers see you as worthless scum picking apart their hard work. But that's better than (Two:) the way you're regarded by publishers; they see you as a target of opportunity, a number waiting to happen that will either help or hinder their sales (and the corporately-mandated Metacritic quotas they're expected to maintain on the individual products they're assigned). They keep alarmingly detailed files on reviewers' tastes, interests and lives in an effort to sway their opinions. And when said reviewers spoil their efforts to sway an opinion, the publisher often reverts to naked hostility, throwing figurative (or literal!) tantrums and sulking that you'll never be privy to inside info ever again.

In other words, it's a great career choice if you're young enough to regard early access to cool games with wide-eyed reverence, and who cares about anything else. Or if you're naive enough to think that you're Making A Difference. Or if you've abandoned all personal dignity and integrity and will happily spin away as another cogwheel in the machine. If you don't quite fit any of the above categories, though, welcome! You now understand why I don't regard myself as the luckiest boy on earth.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | | §

Metal Gear Solid 4-play

15 May 08 | 12:00

Isn't that just such a clever blog headline? I should freakin' write for Details or something.

Anyway. I wouldn't be a true member of the gaming press if I weren't party to large-scale "independent" projects that ultimately serve as reinforcement for some publisher's marketing efforts, and to that end I have been placed in charge of our "four weeks of Metal Gear Solid 4" hub page. And, it turns out, the bulk of the content that goes with it. Today we start with a hands-on preview, which I tried to make as spoiler-free as possible as a courtesy to you -- you won't learn anything new about the story that you hadn't seen in the early trailers for the game -- and the coming weeks will have additional in-depth previews, a retrospective and even a smart-ass video feature from Sharkey. Because you demanded it.

Well, actually, you didn't demand. But you'll click, and I guess that's what matters.

I hope this isn't coming off as too cynical. If it is, you can blame all the behind-the-scenes nonsense surrounding this game like a suffocating miasma of stupidity. That LA trip I took last week was actually to go to Konami's offices and review the game, and some of the fallout of that whole process seriously makes me want to warn people away from ever even thinking about getting sucked into a gaming press job. I'd explain, but I'm legally prevented from doing so. Ha! Ha! Ugh. Normally the gaming press operates on a series of gentlemen's agreements to pretend we don't know nothin' about a game until such-and-such a date, but in this case it was less an agreement and more me being thrown to the ground with a bootheel on my throat and my arm twisted until it nearly snapped. Nevertheless, ever the obedient corporate lackey, I have written up a preview of the game's first hour -- which I (re) played last night at a press event -- while pretending I have no idea what lies beyond these sections. Even better was the Metal Gear saga plot synopsis I wrote the other day for an upcoming feature in which I feigned ignorance of the upcoming title's revelations (and in a few cases wrote things that will ultimately be dead wrong).

Seriously, guys, do something better with your life than write about video games. Let me your living cautionary tale.

The thing is, I enjoy MGS4 and like writing about it. But the rest... well, it's quite a downer to think that my 20-year relationship with a great series culminates on such a sour note, especially since my negativity has nothing whatsoever to do with the game itself. I imagine the closer you get to the inner workings of things you love, the more you learn about their sickly awful truths. I shudder to think what would happen if I ever actually worked on things like this. I'd probably set fire to an EB Games or something.



Oh well, at least nothing's tainted my enjoyment of Castlevania... yet. I've gotta say that Order of Ecclesia looks a heck of a lot better than I expected. (The link is a preview! You can learn the game's amazing truths there!) And I have even updated "Metroidvania.com" (such as it is) to reflect the new announcement. Hmm... there's been a real dearth of this genre in the past year or two, eh? But yeah, it's nice to be pleasantly surprised every once in a while. Yes, yes, the still capture image blown to several times its actual size looks poopy -- in motion on a DS screen this will look very nice.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 20 comments | §

Theory confirmed

14 May 08 | 16:34

So I just walked into the Tower of Babil (in Final Fantasy IV for DS -- keep up with me, here) and the very first encounter was ludicrously overwhelming: Three fire critters who launched a triple salvo of powerful, all-effect fire attacks. I dragged my sad self away with most of the party dead and Cottaged everyone back to life. Subsequent forays have of course failed to live up to this initial welcoming committee -- just as in every other dungeon I've slogged through. I will be curious to hear other people's experiences with this game, so I can determine if this is a deliberate part of the game's design or just some bizarre fluke present only in my review copy.

Horrible reality update: My girlfriend was selected as one of six graduating students at her school whose work has been strong enough to merit a professional post-grad portfolio review, which generally means great things. Lucrative contracts with photo agencies, for example. For a second there I thought maybe things were going to turn around... but then as she was printing her work at the school lab yesterday, one of her classmates managed to yank her hard drive by the power cord, flinging it off the desk onto the floor. This of course completely destroyed the drive. The drive which contained her entire semester's work (and then some), which naturally she hasn't had time to back up in all the 18-hour work days leading up to finals. Even if the data ends up being recoverable, I doubt it'll be restored soon enough for her review session... and the process will cost a ridiculous amount of money, which of course we (read: I) don't have in the wake of our past few life disasters.

I've never experienced such a persistent, relentless string of modest good news being followed by infinitely worse turns of events as in the past few months. At this point I'm about one setback away from launching a serious research effort into the best-tasting brand of rat poison. I figure if I'm going to give up, I might as well enjoy a tasty demise. Mmmm, poi-son-licious.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 32 comments | §

Farewell my easytype

13 May 08 | 19:09

I'm still working my way through Final Fantasy IV -- I've made it as far as the Tower of Zot -- and I have come to a realization:



When you see a victory pose in this game, it is because you have bloody well earned it.

The original U.S. release of this game was a sort of brain-dead dumbing down of the Japanese version, but the DS remake is exactly the opposite: I would say its difficulty over the SFC original version is roughly equivalent to how much easier the U.S. Final Fantasy II was. In my first battle in Zot, the bad guys managed to kill off my fully rested and healed party in two moves. That's not two rounds -- two moves. And it wasn't the first time I've stepped into a new territory only to be wiped out within seconds. I'm starting to wonder if this game has some sort of counter that tracks whether or not you've ever been to a given dungeon or map region, and if not promptly grinds you to paste.

Seriously, though, wow. I've been on a masochistic RPG kick this year with the likes of Shiren and the Etrian Odysseys, but FFIV is making me question my will to live.

posted by: | category: games | forums | 25 comments | §

The nicest of the damned

12 May 08 | 21:01

Add to Queue | Weekly DVD Column
You know, I watched the Indiana Jones trilogy again a few weeks ago and was surprised to realize that Dr. Octopus was the conniving sherpa responsible for trying to abscond with the idol in exchange for an empty promise of the whip. Oddly enough, Spider-man and Indiana Jones is probably the one "please never let it happen" crossover that could actually work. They're both swingers, you see.

New Game + | Weekly Games Column
Another week, another milquetoast refusal to commit to any single game as pick of the week. Spineless columnists! From hell's heart, I blog at thee! Me, I'm calling it for Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, if for no other reason than admiration for Square's willingness to completely deconstruct the genre that serves as their meal ticket.

posted by: | category: blog | forums | 18 comments | §

GameSpite Issue 7.1: What never was, and never should have been

11 May 08 | 11:13

Now printing: The Seventh delicious issue of GameSpite. I was hoping to have a bit extra content in this first portion, but I'm pretty burnt out after the past week's ups and downs. So you only get two articles today, plus a hub page. But at least they are interesting:

---

Battletoads
I tend not to think of Battletoads as a video game but rather as an exquisitely-designed Skinner box to teach kids to hate games. Every playthrough is like receiving a vicious electric shock. And clearly, contributor CynicalValkyrie agrees, because now she associates games with suffering.

The (Almost) Making of Mythri, Pt. 1
Those of you who've been around for a while may recall an American-developed RPG for Game Boy Color called Mythri which, for various reasons, never came to fruition. Now that the game's director is a big-shot pro developer, he's penned a multi-part trip down memory lane to look at what almost was. (Also features a high-tech hub page!)

posted by: | category: games, gamespite | forums | nine comments | §

Impressive... most impressive

09 May 08 | 22:52

Have you guys seen the Clone Wars trailer yet? It's amazing how lifelike the animation is. They've managed to capture the vacuous lifelessness of the prequel trilogy cast perfectly.

posted by: | category: film | forums | 21 comments | §