First appearance: The Beer Hall Putsch (The Weimar Republic, 1923)
Aliases and M.O.: Der Führer; The Master; Smirk; Master-D; etc.
Nationalistic fervor; Political treachery; Occult mysticism; Cybernetics
Crimes: Initiated bloodiest conflict of the 20th century along with racially motivated pogrom
Nature of demise: Suicide; bazooka to face; precision sniping with custom M-16; etc.

Profile by Jeremy Parish? | March 29, 2011

They say you can’t keep a good man down, but Adolf Hitler proves that bad men are even more resilient.

The former Chancellor of Germany has proven to be as tenacious as he is reviled, clinging to life and returning time and again to take another shot at establishing the Third Reich. Certainly much of his seeming immortality has to do with the dogged loyalty of his closest supporters and other believers in the causes he espoused in life. But the man clearly doesn’t know the meaning of the words “surrender” or “quit,” determinedly making the most of each and every new situation he finds himself revived into. No matter how grotesque his new incarnation, Hitler quickly returns to his old ways, never once missing a beat.

Consider the infamous Albatros incident, wherein Nazi loyalists -- fooling no one by operating under the assumed alias “the Badds” -- completed at long last Hitler’s plans for a devastating war machine and even resuscitated their dead leader. Hitler’s response upon returning to life wasn’t a thank you or a word of gratitude; no, he killed his fervent supporter Killt in order to ensure an uncontested return to leadership before initiating an escape to unleash the Albatros plan on the world. Only a well-placed shot into his aircraft’s cockpit by the Federation’s finest soldier prevented him from running roughshod over modern liberty.

Yet mere disintegration wasn’t enough to stop Hitler or his cronies; before long, his brain was recovered and used to initiate a cloning program. Operating under the alias Smirk, Hitler sought to use the Cassandra-G virus as a bioweapon against his former enemies. His one mistake was in attempting to launch this operation by framing the underworld’s most notorious agent-for-hire, Duke Togo. This set the normally disinterested Togo into motion, causing a chain of events that eventually led the assassin to “Smirk’s” new inner sanctum, whereupon he destroyed Hitler’s clones, cloning and life-support machinery, and the Führer’s brain itself.

And yet, Hitler sightings persist even into the present. Sometimes as a computer simulation, sometimes as a heavily armed cyborg, sometimes in a more unassuming form. In any case, one can’t help but remark on the boundless determination of the man to cling to life and seek his revenge -- really, an uncharacteristic obsession with continued existence for a man whose first lease on life was terminated early by suicide.


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