| First appearance: Dark Castle (Silicon Beach Software, MAC, 1986) M.O.: Sitting in a castle, being evil Known crimes: Unspecified terrorizing of the local populace Defeat: Throne toppled by Prince Duncan. |
| Profile by Ben Elgin | February 6, 2011 |
The following correspondence has been discovered between one Black Knight, Esq., proprietor of the Dark Castle, and the offices of ACME Evil Supplies, Inc.
Gentleman;
It has come to my attention that a certain upstart young prince has been trying to breach my castle. As he is certainly unworthy of being dealt with personally, I have decided to avail myself of your good company’s wares. As such, please deliver the standard introductory Evil Lair Defense Kit, with the boulder traps, moving platforms, armored guards, annoying birds, etc, etc. Payment has been deposited. Good day.
Sirs;
It appears that the prince is continuing to make progress in my castle’s environs. It is possible that I may have slightly underestimated him, though this seems unlikely given his propensity to trip over every uneven surface. Nevertheless, harsher methods must be taken. Please send over one bushel of plague rats, and a brace of your finest poisonous bats. Thank you.
ACME Supply;
Apparently the prince found some elixirs to cure poison. What were those doing here? Surely they weren’t in your kit. In any event, we must step up our game. Please send your finest mutants, and a dragon. Yes, I’m good for it.
While we’re at it, put that Christmas tree on order. ’Tis the season, you know.
Guys;
This is ridiculous. He tipped water onto the dragon and stunned it. Seriously? I paid good money for that thing. It should really come with a disclaimer. I mean, this prince is attacking with nothing but rocks. Rocks! And now he found my shield and made off with it. That was a priceless heirloom.
Never mind. There are more options available. Send me the Whip Henchman. I hear he shrugs off rocks like wet tissue. Also, Merlin. Yes, that Merlin. Let’s see him handle some real magic. Mwah hah hah. Ha.
You Idiots;
Why in the bloody blazes would you install the sixteen-ton weight trap (ingenious though it may be) directly above the otherwise robust Henchman? This defies common sense. Work with me here; we’re facing a dude who gets dizzy when he walks into a wall. How hard can this thwarting thing be?
Also, could someone possibly have mentioned to me that Merlin is a good guy? I thought all wizard let power go to their heads. Now that moronic prince has access to fireballs. Fireballs!
We’re pulling out all the stops for the final approach; I demand access to your entire catalogue. The pit traps, a Rock Henchman, an extra order of guards, and especially the Flying Gargoyle. I like that one.
And while you’re at it, throw in the deluxe throne with the adjustable seat. I’ve been meaning to replace this thing, and you guys owe me one, big time. Also, I really need some more booze.
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