M.O.: Princess-napping; playing golf, tennis, and various other recreational sports;
attending parties; hating the Mario brothers
First appearance: Super Mario Bros. (Nintendo, NES, 1985)
Weaknesses: Princess Peach; Axes; Bridges; His own tail

Profile by Alex Reo? | February 12, 2011

Report: Letters From Dead Professor Surface

The investigation into the murder of Mushroom Academy professor Ronald Toadington took a shocking turn this afternoon.

A source close to the investigation has revealed that Princess Peach has given the police several pieces of correspondence between her and the recently deceased professor. The earliest piece of correspondence dates back to over a month ago, while the most recent dates back only a few days. We at the Mushroom Monthly have been able to obtain copies of several of these letters, which we now republish in their entirety.


Dearest Princess Peach,

Thank you for the invitation to the Princess Bake-a-Thon, but I am afraid I must decline. I have just accepted a new (and might I say rather exciting) position. I, Professor Toadington of the Mushroom Academy, am to write the official biography of Bowser! Can you believe it? Me! I was shocked at the very idea initially. After all, why would someone like Bowser suddenly want to have a biography written about him? I suppose that after years of having the media vilify him, he’s ready to share his side of the story. And I, oh lucky me, get to be the one to share it with the world!

Now, I know it could be dangerous, but Bowser has given me his word that no harm will come to me. Besides, it’s just too great of an opportunity to pass up. An open invitation into the soul of the greatest tyrant the Mushroom Kingdom has ever known! Truly, this is a wonderful opportunity, and one I cannot refuse! I do hope you understand why I am declining, dear Princess. It has been ever so long since your days at the Academy, and once this biography business is finished, I fully intend to pay you a visit. I wish you the best of luck in your baking endeavours! And just between you and me, you’ll beat Daisy for sure! Her muffins are always so dreadfully dry, the poor girl!

Faithfully yours,

Ronald Toadington the III


Dearest Princess Peach,

Thank you for the jewel you enclosed in your last letter! It was such a lovely surprise! I fashioned it into a lovely necklace that I wear every day. I appreciate your concerns for my safety, but I assure you, I am completely unharmed.

Progress on the biography continues, although at a slower rate than I would like. Bowser has had a lot to say about you and Mario?, naturally! There are certain topics that simply cannot be approached with him, though. The subject of Bowser Jr.’s mother gets him quite upset, for instance. It has become quite difficult to work with him but I am getting by. I must push onward. This story is far too important.

I would write more about what I’ve learned, Princess, but I must prepare for tonight’s festivities. Bowser has invited me to a private dinner! Just the two of us! I am quite certain that he will open up to me once we are in private, and then the biography can truly be finished! Best wishes, and I will write you again soon!

Faithfully yours,

Ronald Toadington the III


Peach,

You were right. I never should have come here. Please, send help. He just seemed so innocent at Mario’s parties -- like he had more in common with a grouchy old man than an evil mastermind. I never imagined he would be capable of this kind of cruelty. I pray this letter finds you. I had to bribe the guard with the jewel you gave me to get this letter to you. Please you must send help! I don’t know how much longer I have. Send the Mario Brothers!

—Toaddy


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