First appearance: The Legend of Zelda (Nintendo, NES, 1986)
M.O.: Stealing princess and Triforces
Distinguishing features: Often invisible, but looks like a pig when you can see him

Profile by Aaron Littleton? | March 15, 2011

“Hey! Wissen, you!”

Terry tried his best to ignore the man dressed in green sitting next to him. He turned slightly in his bar stool, exposing more of his back to the man. Maybe he would take the hint.

“You need ta know thish!” The man slurred.

Nope, he wasn’t taking the hint. Terry spun to face him. “What, Link? What is it?!”

The green-clad man looked taken aback for just a second at Terry’s sudden lashing out. Then the moment passed and he took a deep pull from his mug. “Today, I’m gonna tell yoush about Gannon!”

Terry had heard every story Link had to tell about a dozen times; saving the Princess was hardly a full time job, and left Link with plenty of time on his hands between adventures.

Link started his tale, seemingly growing more lucid with every word. “You shee, Gannon was this big pig-lookin’ guy that kidnapped the Princess Zelda! And I had to defeat him!”

Terry nodded and settled in to listen. The man was a national hero, after all. Sometimes one had to put up with these things.

“Anyway, he lived waaay up on Death Mountain. In a cave. I guess it was a cave. I never found the proper entrance, you see. I just bombed my way in. The entrance I made looked like a cave, anyway.

“But yeah, he had stormed into Hyrule with this big army of octoroks, tektikes and leevers too! He got his mitts on the Triforce of Power, but Zelda somehow broke the Triforce of Wisdom and hid it in some dungeons. That’s the one thing Gannon didn’t do, but most people think he did. But I put it back together and found ’im!

“So this guy, woah, one ugly looking hombre, let me tell you. Prob’ly why he spent most of his time invisible!”

Link paused, as if waiting on an expected reply. Terry was determined not to give him one, but the silence began to creep toward being awkward. His will quickly breaking, Terry sighed and asked as mechanically as he could, “But Link how did you fight him if he was invisible.”

Link smiled and continued. “So glad you asked! Personally, I like to attribute it to my holding the Triforce of Wisdom at the time! I outsmarted him, you see!” Link tapped his head vigorously, nearly falling off of his stool while doing so. He laughed.

“But no, I just swung my magic sword around until I hit him. Then POW! Right in the kisser with a silver arrow!” Link leapt up and mocked shooting an arrow, then slumped back down into his seat.

The hero shrugged and took a sip. “And that was it for Gannon. Crumbled into a pile of dust. Never heard from him again.”

Terry leaned back, hoping Link was done, but knowing he wasn’t. A minute passed.

“Exceeeept for that next time. Oh, and that time he wanted my blood to come back to life. And that time the kid in the baseball hat took care of things for me. And-“

Terry motioned to the bartender for another red potion. It was going to be one of those kinds of nights.


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