If you don't know what Guitar Hero is at this point, there's not much I can do for you besides maybe put you quietly out of your irrelevant misery. The Guitar Hero series has singlehandedly sold consoles, inspired block parties to form around people playing it, and given birth to a new generation of rockers -- groomed by a well-crafted track list to have suspiciously good taste, even.

Virtua Fighter 5
Many who picked this up months ago for the PS3 are pretty pissed right now. Way back then, Sega swore that online gameplay was impossible for Virtua Fighter 5 -- there were just too darned many issues, gosh. Today: Enter the power (or at least competent manufacturer support, ahem) of Xbox Live and VF5 is suddenly, magically online... and according to the latest EGM, with surprisingly no lag. Still, besides the whole online thing (and, uh, Achievements), the game's exactly the same.

The Simpsons Game
Ahh, The Simpsons. We all grew up watching them. They used to be really funny, too! But these days even the most diehard fan will admit that lacks its former punch -- see also most reactions to the recent movie. That being said, this game's humor potential is still quite high. You see, Springfield has been turned into a video game, yet all the characters remain aware of their plight, giving the writers an excuse for an endless stream of fourth-wall-breaking parodies -- even a cameo by Will Wright. As for the actual gameplay, though? Eh, not that great. Our vote is to wait for this to be turned into an episode of the TV show: All the jokes, none of the crappy game mechanics.

Viva Piņata: Party Animals
Man, Microsoft's really trying to cram this "kid- and family-friendly" crap down people's throats. The original Viva Piņata was an amazing game that most people passed over in lieu of Gears of War last November, which is an essay about Microsoft's inability to recognize its target audience unto itself. But this game doesn't really have anything to do with that one. The latest Piņata is actually based on the cartoon that contains piņatas, but not characters, from the original game; it's also Microsoft's answer to Mario Party, except not as fun. There are mini-games galore along with a racing game, none of which appear to be inspiring at all. We're all for non-violent games... but maybe not this non-violent game.

Manhunt 2
Ahh yes, the videogame equivalent of a snuff film: Sam Fisher meets the bad guy from Saw. You take control of an escaped mental patient who's been experimented on for the past six years and graves revenge. So, you sneak around making people die. Violently. It originally earned an AO rating from the ESRB a few months ago, so Rockstar toned it down to protect Take Two's desperately flagging bottom line. We're not really sure how you can "tone down" cold-blooded murder, but that's a topic that's better left untouched here. Last time we tackled it, things got heated.

Then people died. Violently.

Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness
A remake of the original Disgaea from PlayStation 2, making the third week in a row that the PSP has seen a decent game. Of course, they've all been remakes of older games, but that too is a topic for another place. That's this week's theme, it seems: Delicately tip-toeing around gaming's ugliest realities. Disgaea's claim to fame, above all else, is the insane amount of customization available for your characters, up to and including a 9999-level skill cap. You'll probably drain your PSP's batteries several times while playing this one.

Buzz!
Ever want to have your own trivia game at home but lack the time and inclination to set everything up? Well, lazy Americans, here's the treat you've been waiting for: Buzz! All you do is place the Buzz! official game disc into your Sony Playstation 2 and connect the official Buzz! buzzer controllers into the controller port, and you've got yourself a good old-fashioned (official!) trivia game. Honestly, it could very well be fun, but you'll never see us buying it ourselves. Maybe borrowing it from weak-willed friends, though...

Battalion Wars 2
The long-lost sibling to the Advance Wars games for DS and GBA (and Famicom and Game Boy and Super Famicom, if you want to be all snobbish about it). Rather than playing out as a turn-based strategy game, BWii is instead a real-time strategy kind of game. The first one didn't do so well at retail, but it apparently did well enough for Nintendo to make a sequel. It's no Starcraft, but then what the hell is?

Dementium: The Ward
M-rated survival horror on the DS: The pairing absolutely no one ever asked for. As an amnesiac (that old standby plot device) who awakens in a hospital, you have to find your way out and survive the horror. Of something, we're not sure what. Maybe the prospect of dark and gloomy 3D graphics on the DS? Demons, puzzles, pixellation, a flashlight and way too many locked doors await you.

Naruto: Rise of a Ninja
Remember a few months ago when I said this guy has taken over America? Here's more proof. This is at least the fifth Naruto game THIS YEAR, added on top of six others. If you like Naruto games, anything I say here won't change your mind. If you don't like Naruto, well, you might notice he's making the sign of the cross in your direction. Be very afraid.

Hellgate: London
We usually make it a point not to include PC games on this release list, but Hellgate: London is worth the exception. Developed by Flagship Studios by a team of people who made Diablo II and StarCraft, Hellgate is basically Diablo, first-person shooter style. Which is a good thing, as if you needed to ask.

"OMG" actually stands for "Our Mini Games," but we suspect it also mirrors the dismayed horror of whoever picks it up. The high-minded premise? You're trapped in a haunted mansion and forced to play mini-games... forever.

Are companies even trying anymore?