Games | Weekly Game Releases | Blog | Week of February 26th, 2008: Pata Pata Pata Pon!

List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Imports by parish, courtesy of NCS | Posted February 25th, 2008

Game of the week

Patapon
Sony | PSP | Rhythm/Strategy
If this game doesn't appeal to you, you have no soul. The evolution of the rhythm genre has turned it into an action/strategy game. With cute little Patapons that sing when you bang a drum. After playing for five minutes, you'll be "Pon-Pon-Pata-Pon"ing along.

For days.

Also appearing in stores

Frontlines: Fuel of War
THQ | PC/Xbox 360 | FPS
Ever wonder what Battlefield would look like if it was in the near future, not that 2142 crap? Then wonder no longer. "Fuel of War" suggests a deeply ironic examination of the energy and oil-based roots of our current war that is absolutely guaranteed to be completely absent in the game.

ProTip: It's not very good.

Lost: Via Domus
Ubi | PS3/Xbox 360/PC | Licensed dreck
Ahh, nothing like making a video game of a popular franchise. It's bound to sell on name alone, so why even bother making a quality product? Then again, it's probably hard to make an effective video game when you're basing it on material by people who have no clue where they're going with it.

Lost Planet: Extreme Condition
Capcom | PS3 | Action
Dear Playstation 3: Welcome to last year! Not only is this a port of the 360/PC game, it also forces you to pre-load about 5gb, just like "Devil May Cry 4'. I sure hope you 20GB PS3 owners aren't playing Capcom games.

Turning Point: Fall of Liberty
Codemasters | PS3/Xbox 360/PC | FPS
They should just call this FPS: Generic Subtitle. The Nazis take over America because Churchill dies in a car crash. You fight back. FOR AMERICA! And I guess England or whatever, but screw them for letting the fat dude use a car without taking some defensive driving courses.

Blokus Portable: Steambot Championship
Irem | PSP | Board
Thank god! Somebody's heard my prayers for a new Steambot Chronicles game to be brought over to the US. Wait, what the hell is Blokus?

No offense to Steambot Chronicles, but it's not really a franchise that many people recognize. Why would Majesco choose that license to promote a crappy puzzle game? Why not Cooking Mama? More people recognize the Cooking Mama name, and us Steambot fans wouldn't have to see our game turned into something with hideous monsters on the cover. (Editor's Note: Because Majesco didn't make this game -- Irem did. And Steambot Chronicles works better as a board game license than their only other viable franchise, R-Type. Marginally.)

Downloadable Contentment: This Week in DLC

Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards
HAL | N64 via Wii | Action
This is your chance to own the only Kirby game ever made for the Nintendo 64. And the magical de-blurification powers of the Wii mean that it won't look like it's being played through a murky Vaseline sheen! Of course, it's hard to tell the difference when you're controlling a round, pink puffball. Also notable for being the last time Kirby wasn't redrawn by Nintendo to look ANGRY.

Psychosis
Hudson | TG16 via Wii | Shooter
Another TurboGrafx-16 shooter comes to the Virtual Console. Please, can we get something -- anything -- else? Week after week of these is breaking my gentle spirit.

XBLA: Trigger Heart Exelica
Warashi | Dreamcast via Xbox 360 | Shooter
Ikaruga's not here yet, but you can tide yourself over with another Dreamcast shooter -- and this one never officially came out on these (North American) shores. The neat bit is that you can latch onto enemy ships and use them as shields or shots put.

Big in Japan: This Week's imports

Away: Shuffle Dungeon
AQ Int | DS | RPG
A "social" RPG which involves recruiting a whole heck of a lot of people for some reason or another. Hironobu Sakaguchi is somehow attached to this one, too, so it might be interesting, maybe? The again, I've played Mistwalker's stuff of late, so maybe it won't be.

Keroro Gunsou 3
Bandai Namco | DS | Who cares
Japan's most successful ToastyFrog rip-off returns for yet another game that probably sucks and mainly exists to sell you Sgt. Frog and Gundam merchandise. Screw you, Bandai.

Soma Bringer
Nintendo | DS | RPG
I think this one's by Monolith, and it's about damn time that Nintendo finally squeezed something from the developer. Honestly. At the very least, expect sweet 3D-on-2D graphics and awesome Yasunori Mitsuda music.

Choro Q Wii
Takara | Wii | Racing
The zany penny racer series appears on Wii. I don't think it comes with a stupid plastic steering wheel peripheral, so I automatically like it more than Mario Kart Wii.

Simple Wii Series: The Block Kuzushi & The Wai Wai Combat
D3 | Wii | Budget
The crappy budget knock-off series gets two more Wii installments, putting it a mere 130 releases or so behind the PS2 Simple series. This time it's an Arkanoid clone and, uh, "Wai Wai Combat," which I'm going to assume is a cutesy and not entirely fun Advance Wars knock-off.

Kyuuketsu Kitan Moonties
Gung Ho | PS2 | Some anime crap
I've never heard of this and have no idea what it is, but I would like to expound on the nature of "moonties." Given the fact that PlayStation 2 in Japan has become a repository for smutty anime games, I'm going to assume "moonties" are like panties that automatically flash a girl's butt (aka her "moon"). So there you go. Avoid at all costs.

Tori No Hoshi: Aerial Planet
Nippon Ichi | PS2 | Relaxing aerial adventure
"Tori No Hoshi" means, roughly, "star chicken." I can't think of a more auspicious title! That's a pun, see, 'cause "auspicious" derives from the word "avis," and has to do with reading ill-starred fates in bird guts. Uh, anyway, as far as I can tell it's supposed to be Endless Ocean meets Skygunner, minus the gunning.

My Stylist
Sony | PSP | Uhhh?
Non-games aren't just for DS anymore. Take that, Nintendo! In your Face Training!

Idolmaster Live For You
Bandai Namco | Xbox 360 | Hatecrime against gaming
Apparently this is an append disc or something to the single most popular Xbox 360 game in Japan, which involves you managing the careers of scantily-clad eight-year-olds. Eight-year-olds, dude. If you like this and are not Japanese, please step forward so I can punch you.

Talk about how crappy these games are!