Games | Weekly Game Releases | Blog | Week of March 11, 2008: Hope you like Nintendo characters! But honestly, who doesn't?

List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Imports by parish, courtesy of NCS | Posted March 10, 2008


Game of the week


Super Smash Brothers Brawl
Nintendo | Wii | Fanservice
Fanservice ahoy! What do you get when you take every piece of Nintendo history and cram it all in a game? You get Smash Brothers: probably the most anticipated game for the Wii, ever. I'm going to assume this game will sell several million copies within the month. Possibly the minute.

Chances are, your mind is already made up about this game. If you want it, you've already bought it; if you don't, you want to stay as far away from it as possible. And you'll have to ignore all the topics we've already made about it.


Also appearing in stores


House of the Dead 2 & 3 Returns
Sega | Wii | On-The-Rails-Arcade-Fun
When the controller for the Wii was first announced, the first thing I thought about was how awesome it'd be if House of the Dead were on it. Finally, Sega's answered my dreams. Aim and shoot at the zombies, and don't expect much more. Storyline? Pshaw!


Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates
Square-Enix | DS | Multiplayer Adventure Game
What could make a Multiplayer RPG on the DS even better than wireless local play? The only answer, of course, is online play.

Guess what Final Fantasy: Too Damn Many Subtitles of Fate is lacking? Yep, online play. So that means you're still going to have to get a group of four people together if you wish to adventure with a full party, and with the internet, that's near impossible. I don't even think I KNOW four people anymore. Even you people reading this are just my sockpuppets.


Condemned 2: Bloodshot
SEGA | Xbox 360/PS3 | Scary FPS
I never beat the first Condemned because it was scary. Yeah, I'm a baby.

Condemned 2 takes place a year after the original game, and it actually follows the same character, Ethan Thomas, as he explores something really creepy. Then, he'll probably shoot it, or hit it with a pipe. It's been getting fairly good reviews, so if you're looking for something a bit more M-for-Mature than Smash Brothers, pick this one up.


Downloadable Contentment: This Week in DLC


Wii VC: DoReMi Fantasy: Milon's DokiDoki Adventure
Hudson | SNES via Wii | Platformer
Guide a big-headed kid in retrieving five magical instruments and defeating an evil sorcerer to restore music to the land of -- sigh -- Fantasia in this fantasy platforming game. Screenshots make the game look pretty nice, actually. Fantastical, even! Also, most screenshots come from an unofficial localization, but the VC version is raw Japanese. Better whip out that chart of kanji radicals.


Wii VC: Puyo Puyo 2: Tsuu
Sega| SNES via Wii | Tile-matching puzzle
Match little colored blobs for points; match a lot of them at once and fill your opponent's screen with a random glob of them in this blatant rip-off of Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo. Oh, wait. That's not right...


XBLA: Brain Challenge
Gameloft| Xbox 360 | Brain training
The Xbox 360 jumps on the brain training, uh, train. So, learn to think smarter, not harder, with this brain-trainer! It's totally derivaterrific!


XBLA: Bliss Island
Codemasters | Xbox 360 | Puzzle/Action
This weird little puzzle-action game has you in control of a funky-looking blue thing, kinda like a clawed Max Rebo, which creates clouds with its breath and blows critters into other critters. Did I mention that it's weird? Right, then.


Big in Japan: This Week's imports


The Haisha
D3 | DS | Toothsome!
It's a sign of how much I'm on the Internet in the course of my job (and the corners of said Net I am required to scour) that I see an anime-style drawing a young girl with her mouth wide in anticipation and tears in her eyes and I'm shocked to see that what's about to be thrust into her mouth is something as innocuous as a dental tool. Screw you, Internet. And screw this game, which looks like a crappy, tooth-specific Trauma Center rip-off. I bet the main theme isn't even sung by Steve Martin.


Duel Love
Bandai Namco | DS | Child molestation
Finally, a little gender equality in Japan's virtual statutory sex crime genre! Usually it's underaged girls being patted and rubbed and manhandled, but someone at Bandai Namco had a little light bulb appear over their head and realized, hey, the DS is crazy popular with girls -- maybe they want to fondle boys! Don't let your priest borrow this one, you'll never get it back.


Edo Bunka Rekishi Kentei
Marvelous | DS | Textbook
I had a history textbook with this painting on the cover, and hey! Guess what. This video game is a history textbook -- specifically, one focused entirely on the Edo era of Japan. I hear the Dream of the Fisherman's Wife minigame is a sight to behold.


The Legend of Kage 2
Taito | DS | Action
Let us be honest: The original Legend of Kage is, in a word, poop. Its sequel, Demon Sword, was somewhat better. But now Taito's gone and unmade Demon Sword by calling its new DS adventure The Legend of Kage 2. That's right, only this game has enough hardcore tree-jumping to be the true follow-up to Kage. I have little doubt it will live up to the original in every way... which is to say, do not buy.


Kantan! Tanoshii! Okashi Navi
Koei | DS | Not quite Iron Chef
If you've ever wanted to become a pastry chef but the only thing holding you back was a lack of Japanese-language tutorial software, then by god this is your lucky week. Enjoy your new career. Note that my birthday's in a few days, so I expect a cake.


Talk about how crappy these games are!