Games | Weekly Game Releases | Blog | Week of July 5, 2008: Retail sucks. Digital Distribution 4 lyfe!

List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Imports by parish, courtesy of NCS | Posted August 7th, 2008

Game of the Week

Number None Inc | Xbox 360 via Xbox Live Arcade | Better than you
Ok guys, here's the real test. I'm sure you've all heard of Braid, the game that keeps winning all sorts of awards for being amazing yet also something that simple minds could never hope to begin to grasp. It's been playable for over two years, but generally just for for press and other developers. The game's creator, Jonathan Blow, is pretty outspoken about, well, just about everything. So now is the moment of truth: Now we get to see if his darling creation will be good enough for the masses.

I think it will be...but even if Braid doesn't catch on, just as long as I like it, that's all that matters. Tough luck, suckers.

Also Appearing in Stores

Little League Baseball
Hacktivision | Nintendo DS, Nintendo Wii | Baseball for the kida
I'm not sure the need to create a little league baseball video game actually exists, but Activision, the new EA, sure thought it'd be a great idea. So here it is! And guess what, it'll probably sell a ton! Hooray shovelware!

Puzzler Collection
Destination Software | Nintendo Wii | Ugh
OK, we get it. The Wii and the DS have audiences who don't normally play games, and this demographic upheaval has created exciting new ways to do the same stuff we've always done. We understand that. Just please, for the love of whatever deity you believe in, stop putting this crap out there. I'd rather have nothing being released than this, simply because the people who are reading this wouldn't give a rat's ass.

Oh wait, I missed the part where this has over 2,000 puzzles for ultimate variety and replay value. Gosh, never mind. I'm totally sold.

Downloadable Contentment: This Week in DLC

WiiWare: Wild West Guns
Gameloft | Wii | Shooting gallery
Remember when light guns came standard with home systems? Wild West Guns takes you back to those days now that the Wii provides its own light gun analog in the form of Wii Remotes. This one is also compatible with the Wii Zapper, but that only matters to people who like looking stupid. Anyway, you shoot targets and bad guys over the course of some levels. Straightforward stuff.

VC: Sonic the Hedgehog
Sega | Master System via Wii | Sonic without the Blast Processing
Sega had this habit of porting games to its older systems as said older systems hobbled along into the turf of its successor. This is one of those ports, a backwards port of a Genesis game on Master System. The good news is that it has some differences from the original, like new stages and bosses and stuff. The bad news is that the visuals are downgraded significantly. Still, it's no Saturn-to-Genesis Virtua Fighter in that regard.

VC: Splatterhouse 2
Namco | TG-16 via Wii | Bloody brawler
I wanted this game badly when I was a lad, but I never got it. Because I didn't have a TurboGrafx-16, you see. But now I can rectify my mistake! That, or wait for the upcoming remake/update. Anyway, in Splatterhouse 2 you beat a lot of monster heads in while dressed in surgical scrubs and a hockey mask. Just like the first one.

I don't understand why the dude from this series hasn't shown up in any Soul Calibur titles. Seems like he'd be a perfect fit, with his penchant for blunt objects. What's wrong, Namco, you can give us a character based on a doodle Todd McFarlane crapped out, but won't spare us a character from your own archives? What gives?

Talk about how crappy these games are!