As seen in: Jetpac (Spectrum)
Also in: Solar Jetman (NES)
Distinguishing feature: Drives a mean jetpack.
Strengths: Powerful laser.
Weaknesses: Gravity; aiming.

Profile by David Goldberg? | January 22, 2011

Presented here are excerpts from the Jetman's journal.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1983115
Have arrived here in sector ZXS where I have learned that a ship carrying ACME do-it-yourself rocket kits was destroyed, scattering the kits onto various planets. Fortunately, all of the planets here are high in natural fuel resources—a real boon, as I've heard these things are gas guzzlers.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1983116
Apparently the native inhabitants are not a big fan of me looting their planets for ship parts, fuel, and precious gems. Who knew?

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1983117
Gravity is a harsh mistress -- always pulling me down after I have thrusted upwards. But I have come to enjoy our dance and now accept her sweet embrace. It has been a while since I was last with a woman.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1983922
Apparently these pre-fab snap-together rockets aren't all they are cracked up to be. After finally deciding I'd found the best rocket in this sector, I set back out for Earth. Just at the edge of sector ZXS, the ship decided to disintegrate and I crashed onto this strange world. It's a good thing I did, because I discovered that the aliens here are up to no good. Apparently they're tired of us humans strip-mining all their planets for fuel and have built these huge missile silos to fire linoleum shelled missiles at Earth. They can't destroy Earth—that's where I keep all my stuff!

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1983924
I may have overestimated the threat these aliens possess. They can't put a dent in the Hyperglide Moon Rover that I rescued from my spaceship. Plus they also just leave bombs lying around unguarded that are perfectly suited for blowing up their missile installations. Not the sharpest tools in the shed.

I did find a serious design flaw in the moon rover—it can only traverse perfectly smooth surfaces. Seriously? How many moons had its designers been on? Where I'm from most moons have massive craters, let alone divots half the size of its tires. Apparently, instead of fixing this flaw before production, they just included the ability to create an infinite supply of bridging kits.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1990901
It has been almost seven years now since I saved the Earth from the evil aliens... of course, it would be nice if I'd had any proof of that. Still, the small mention I finagled from my friend working at my hometown paper was enough to get me into the Federation of Space Loonies where I've been happily sitting at a desk and eating donuts all these years. Unfortunately, the golden warpship—the most powerful spacecraft in our fleet—was stolen by aliens while technically under my care. So I've been sent once again to various planets in order to search for it

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1990905
We now have these neat little jetpods in which to explore planets—much safer than just tooling about in a space suit. Of course, one hit by any alien and they burst into a million pieces. I can see engineering quality hasn't improved any in seven years.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1990907
Good news: I have now acquired shields for my jetpods so it no longer explodes into smithereens when hit by an enemy. Bad news: Beyond not being able to pick up items with shields on, my jetpod now acts like a ping pong ball careening off canyon walls when hit with shields on.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1990913
Did I once romanticize gravity? Because seriously, screw her. Flying around is tough enough, but once my tractor beam has picked something up, I now have an extra two tons of momentum sending my ship flying to and fro and battering it about the surface of the planet.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1990916
More Easter Island heads? I could have sworn this wasn't planet Gradius.

Jetman's Log, Stardate 1990923
After finally recovering all the pieces of the golden warpship, I felt it was only my duty to take it out for a spin in order to, er, punish the aliens that stole it. Of course, it controlled completely differently from any craft I've piloted before and was thus a needlessly annoying experience rather than kick-ass. That's it, I'm done with the space loonies!

Jetman's Log, Stardate 2007328
Agh! The bright flashes! The explosions! The colors! My eyes!

No further entries found

GameSpite Quarterly 3 | Previous: Jay McCray | Next: Jim