Games | Sega Master System: Master System was the first Sega console to make its way to America. Sega had so much confidence in their hardware that they let Tonka distribute it. This led to underwhelming sales and overwhelming failure, even though the hardware was technically more powerful than its main competitor, the NES. Ah well.


Choplifter: There's nothing worse than seeing a great arcade game transformed into a kinda crappy console game. Fortunately, this one made the conversion in style.

Ghost House: Every bit as good as you'd expect from a game that comes stored on a credit card.

Golden Axe Warrior: Find the Triforce and save the princess from unspeakable peril. With your stout dwarven axe. What.

Kenseiden: Imagine if Castlevania and Ninja Gaiden had a baby together. Now imagine it was a horrible mutant determined to personally destroy all human happiness. That's Kenseiden!

Rastan: It's like Conan! If Conan sucked.

Sonic the Hedgehog: It's always nice when the last-gen stragglers are remembered.

Thunder Blade: Tragically, the trademark on this title meant Square had to call its lightning-elemental sword the totally counter-intuitive "Coral Sword."

Transbot: Tragically not about transvestite robots. So basically a game without a single saving grace, really.

Xenon 2: Who needs gameplay when you've got fancy graphics? The 8-bit European development philosophy in a nutshell.

Sega's Masterful Moment (Addendum): For the Master System's twentieth anniversary, Parish attempted to do right by its least pathetic moments.