AKA: Shatterhand
As seen in: Shatterhand (NES)
Distinguishing feature: Power fists; blue jeans; fishing vest; cool shades.
Strengths: Punching.
Weaknesses: Fine motor skills.

Profile by Justin Hoeger | January 30, 2010

Maimed in a workplace incident involving his hands being crushed by a pair of cyborgs affiliated with the Metal Command rebel army, police officer Steve Hermann seemed doomed to a life of handlessness until an official of the Law and Order Regulatory Division (L.O.R.D.) approached him with an offer of mechanical hands and a chance at revenge against Metal Command and its (partially) metal commander, Gen. Gus Grover.

Like a modern-day Edward Scissorhands, Hermann was given a new set of manhandlers designed for destruction, along with the ability to create robotic helpers out of combinations of the upper- and lower-case Greek letters alpha and beta. But instead of wooing Winona Ryder and creating ice sculptures, he embarked on a one-man plan to smash Metal Command's plans of world domination by punching them over and over. And it worked.

Discharged from L.O.R.D. after his double-handed victory over Metal Command, Hermann found it difficult to adjust to life back in the civilian sector. He was let go from his old police department after tearing the steering wheel off his squad car while making a tight turn and dislocating the arm of a suspect he was trying to cuff.

His incredible manipulators crushed pencils, smashed keyboards and tore papers to shreds during his short tenure at an ill-fated desk job. In an attempt to broaden his horizons, he signed up for a course in ancient Greek at a community college, only to inadvertently kill several classmates with a helper robot while practicing the alphabet.

It took several more discouraging failures (dog groomer, Alpha Beta supermarket cashier, Wal*Mart greeter) before he stumbled upon the perfect vocation: crushing charcoal into diamonds, like Superman. Now a billionaire, Hermann has left his cyborg-punching days far behind him.

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