Originally posted by Parish
Wait, ''I'' listen to Hawkwind.

Alternate joke: Get kicked out of Hawkwind while trying to cross the Canadian border. Anyway!

Welcome back to Let's Play Angband. This week's update is brought to you by the fact that I think my car might have a gas line leak. We'll know in a couple days after I let it sit for a while. Cars: There is nothing more awesome than them. I bet that with my luck I could buy a new car straight off the lot and it would explode within 20 miles of the dealership. I swear to god my life was better before cars. Gary Neuman, go fuck yourself and get in your hug box. You did know that Gary Neuman has aspergers, right? Fun fact!

Anyway, last time we joined Hieronymus Gaylord on his fantastic adventures, he gained a whole hell of a lot of stats. At least, that's what my notes tell me. I was stricken with Sick Over the Weekend Disease and forgot just about everything that happened over the last few weeks. Kids: Remember to protect yourself from being sick over the weekend by taking sick days at work.

Let's begin!

First up, Hieronymus Gaylord actually reads the description of what his Rod of Curing does, and notices that it does not, in fact, confer any healing abilities which are useful in any way (beyond healing cuts, but he has Shard resistance, so who cares?) and gets about 1/4th of what he spent on it back. Stay classy, Hieronymus!

He also inches towards maxing his DEX. Just.. one.. more..

Exploring the dungeon, Hieronymus Gaylord discovers this tasty artifact! Let's find out what it does.

Well that's surprisingly underwhelming. Nexus resistance is nice but it's not nearly as nice as, you know, Anduril. Which Hieronymus Gaylord is going to keep rocking until it's pried from his cold, dead hands at this rate.

In a delicious twist, Hieronymus Gaylord slaughters an angel, which one would assume he's supposed to be working with, due to his incredibly pious nature, and gains a level. I guess that's one way of God helping a brother out.

Descending to 1700' (L34), Hieronymus Gaylord espies much groups of monsters hanging around! The zs are your classic (z)ombie type monsters (in this case, Super Ghasts & Ghouls, which, true to Dungeons and Dragons tradition, hit to stun (bet you didn't know that Final Fantasy took that from the D&D manual)) and the Cs are Blink Dogs, which are assholes. Imagine a mob of monsters which can phase you around at will, and then also phase around themselves, creating much confusion and also just general annoyance. They're not tough, just kind of obnoxious.

Elven armor? Everybody knows that elves suck. Hieronymus Gaylord doesn't need no truck with Elven armor, which, by the way, offers a stealth bonus, the four basic resists, and one super-secret bonus resist that's unique to each piece. Not a bad deal, if you're the sort of person who goes for that thing.

INT up! This is moving along at quite a nice clip, actually. I wouldn't be surprised if it pushes 18 (which will be enough to give some good saving throw bonuses, not that Hieronymus Gaylord will need that with maxed WIS) by the time we're out of stat gain depth.

What's up with all this elf crap? Maybe this floor was secretly a village of elves once, and it was destroyed by them being elves (elves are intrinsically stupid, and prone to doing things which lead to their own demise). Such a thought gives Hieronymus Gaylord (and myself) solace.

Have we ever checked up on Hieronymus Gaylord's score? I think that this is an excellent time to do it, in between posts for this update. He's rocking nearly 2 million turns and a third of a million in points. That's pretty rad! Must be all the artifacts.

A couple posts ago when I said I found a scroll of Banishment? I lied. It was a staff of Banishment! Unfortunately, you probably know what's going to happen to it now, and I didn't happen to get any screencaps of it. SPOILERS: [color=white]It blows up.[/color]

And Hieronymus Gaylord maxes out his DEX stat! That's what the little exclamation point means: It means he's awesome. Maybe after he defeats Morgoth he can retire and become the world's first dwarven gymnast. Except that he'd have to compete against elves. Nobody likes elves.

Somewhere along the way, Hieronymus Gaylord descends to 1800' (L36). It is uninteresting.

Which is bullshit because Dwarven armor is always interesting. I mean, check this out:

Hell yeah, if I wasn't already a dwarf I'd be rocking this stuff immediately. Dwarves rule, elves drool. Take that elves.

Oh, look! Another artifact! I bet that it's not going to be good enough to replace those awesome gloves of dexterity, which are giving Hieronymus Gaylord those precious two extra attacks with his completely rad sword.

Okay, that fire bolt does a lot of damage, but otherwise these are kind of shitty. Resistance to fire and regeneration? Ooooh, I'm so thrilled! Honestly by the time these are generated, you should be rocking one (or potentially both) of these. I'll let you guess which one. Hint: You probably needed it to get past the hounds.

Hieronymus Gaylord also stumbles across a pit of jellies. He wisely decides to leave them alone, because it's a waste of time - they're not going to drop a lot of treasure or give a lot of experience, and it'll take a long time to polish them all off.

This weapon sounds awesome, and in fact it has a completely rad damage rating. Too bad that it's not an ego item or anything, because that might actually top Anduril, finally. Well, except for the disenchant and see invisible and the stat bonuses and all that.

CHR up! I really like the message for this one.

And what better way to cap off the update than STR up!?

NEXT TIME: All of my least favorite monsters in one place.

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