Delirious
Steve Buscemi plays the sad-sack loser very well, and in this comedy he really gets to show off that particular skill. Here he's a paparazzi photographer who maintains that celebrities are just the same as you and me, yet he melts into a puddle of fawning adulation whenever he encounters one himself -- a fringe-dweller making a living on our horribly broken celebretard culture.

Into this pathetic existence comes a young man whom he "mentors", and for a bit they scrape a living taking pictures. That is, until the young man manages to climb out of the paparazzi ranks and into the social circles of actual celebrities. The young man has to balance his desire to help out his old friend, now seething with jealousy, with his desire not to exploit his new-found friends. It's not the greatest movie in the world, but it's one worth checking out on this unusually quiet release week.

Bella
A tear-jerker starring the "Latin Brad Pitt" and a Mexican soap opera star. You'll have to figure this one out on your own. They lost me at "heart-warming" and "tear-jerker". Where's the 'splosions?

The Hottie or the Nottie
Paris Hilton is a rich moron no one likes, yet the media is obsessed with her every move. When's the apocalyptic super-flu Stephen King promised going to get here already?

I'm Not There
Also known as "that movie where the role of Bob Dylan is played by a bunch of different actors, including Cate Blanchett." If I only I could make myself care about watching a movie about Bob Dylan.

Mystery Science Theater: The Movie
The last time a Mystery Science movie came out on home video and I ignored it, I got called out on the front page of Gamespite. So now I feel obligated to cover this release, even though I know next to nothing about this series, and kind of resent it because everytime I got to the movies there's some jerk who thinks he's hilarious. You're not going to be so funny from your casket, you jerk. OH GOD SO MUCH BLOOD LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATRE.

Over Her Dead Body
The first mainstream film for necrophiliacs! Finally! Actually, that might be better than the real thing, a romantic-comedy about a jealous bride who is trying to sabotage a man's love life from beyond the grave. It's basically Ghost in the hands of petty spite-mongers.

PS I Love You
Right before this guy died, he wrote his wife like a million letters. Every once in a while she gets one that sends her off on an "adventure". Uh, this is what passes for entertainment these days? I know I want to spend my final months planning out elaborate scenarios and writing time-shifted letters. And if I was the survivor, I think getting creepy and controlling letters from beyond the grave laying out said "adventures" for me to do would be more distressing than anything else.

Teeth
A horror movie about a young woman whose sexual awakening brings with it teeth. In her bad place. Hilarity ensues. Of course, if this was an anime many of you would think it's super hot and go on messageboards to defend fapping to upskirts of toothy maws belonging to underage Japanese schoolgirls. Maybe I'm just bitter because toothy woman-bits killed Boba Fett in The Return of the Jedi. But not really, because he had a jet pack and flew out of there and now in the books he's an octogenarian training one of Han Solo's kids to kill one of Han Solo's other kids. I love Star Wars.