Jeremy Parish

Jeremy Parish was born in the sleepy hamlet of Flint, MI at the turn of the 20th century. The only son in a family of 18, he worked hard to help his father support his mother and 15 sisters on their sprawling dirt ranch.

Tragically, Parish's whole family died in a terrible (yet rather whimsical) accident involving a horseless carriage, a 400-pound woman in a bustle and 63 gallons of sasparilla. An orphan at age 8, he was soon adopted by a couple of kindly lawn gnomes. They were not particularly expressive, but nevertheless reared Parish until at age 30 he finally entered a chrysalis and emerged in his adult form.

Sadly, the shock of seeing a naked adult human emerging from a cocoon suspended from the Crysler Building caused ripples of shock on Wall Street, precipitating what would become known as the great stock market crash and ushering in the Great Depression.

After serving 50 years in jail for public indecency and destroying the American economy, Parish was released into society the same day as Ronald Reagan's inauguration, although the Reagan administration swears it's a coincidence.

Starting his life anew, Parish became a child of the '80s. While he missed becoming involved in the Gordon Gekko aspect of the decade, he did enjoy the media portion - particularly the bright phosphor dots of video games. His first encounter with a shiny new Ms. Pac-Man machine in 1981 was much like the apes' discovery of the black monolith at the Dawn of Man, except that no one was clubbed to death with a femur.

Living for many years with nothing but a Telsar Pong machine, Parish was forced to mooch free gameplay from his Atari 2600-owning friends and to sneak into college dormitories during holidays to play free arcade games. After completing his first successful political smear, Parish used the proceeds to buy a Coleco Adam and later a Nintendo Entertainment System -- and the course was irrevocably set.

Parish currently resides in San Francisco, CA, where he works at a website and secretly cohabits in sin with Golgo-13's old flame, Maria Lovelett.