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GameSpite Journal Issue 11
Spring 2012: Second Chances

GameSpite Journal 11 -- 118 pages of pure video game love (spite?) in a delectable 6x9 book format -- is a book for nerds. If you are a nerd, you should buy a copy. Or just read it for free online when the articles go up.

Available from GameSpite's Blurb bookstore in four versions to best fit your interests and budget:

All content is exactly the same across all versions. This edition was specifically designed for full-color, but the words are just as interesting and the historical revisionism just as retcontastic regardless of format.

"Second Chances"

“GameSpite” has not, to date, been a particularly appropriate name for this publication. I adopted the moniker with the intent of launching a games journalism satire comic strip, which was back before I realized that games journalism is already chillingly self-satirical by nature. So, we ended up with a web and print venture with the term “spite” in its name despite the fact that the content has not, by and large, been particularly spiteful.

Cynicism and negativity are, to my thinking, a worthless commodity these days. Any jackass can go online and make broad, strawman complaints about something. Nitpicking is the lowest common denominator of self-expression. Sarcasm is the literary tool of the inept. It’s far easier to destroy than to create, as they say, and the same holds true for criticism. Let the lazy and unambitious tear down others’ hard work; we prefer to champion the good, or at least to mull the failings of the bad in a constructive way. But isn’t it weird that something called “GameSpite” is only about games we like? What about the things we don’t? How come we never write about those?

Well, now we have. GameSpite Journal 11 revolves entirely around games we hate or otherwise find disappointing... but again, our better nature betrays us. Rather than simply bag on these works, we’ve instead chosen to revisit them and give them a fair shake. Myself, I’ve specifically selected a few games that I’ve built something of a reputation around naysaying and replayed them with the willingness to admit I was wrong. Some games we found ourselves appreciating with the insight of greater maturity; others, well... sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. But whether we make peace with our old foes or simply find ourselves further estranged, we’ve done our best to be fair. Ain’t that nice of us?

Jeremy Parish
April 15, 2012

In This Issue

Battletoads by Tyler Lindner
Black Sigil by Lee Hathcock
Breath of Fire III by Nadia Oxford
Chrono Cross by Michael Apps
Company of Heroes by Aaron Littleton
Dark Castle by Ben Elgin
Dawn of War II by Jake Alley
Demon’s Souls by Alex Reo
Eternal Sonata by Alois Wittwer
Final Fantasy VII by Jeremy Parish
Final Fantasy VIII by Mike Zeller
* Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode by Jeremy Signor
Grandia III by Andrew Bentley
Heavy Rain by Matt Williams
King’s Quest: Mask of Eternity by Jonathan Howard
The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass by Paul McClain
Mega Man Legends by Michael Apps
Metal Gear Solid 4 by Alex Reo
Metroid by Jeremy Signor
Metroid II by Jeremy Parish
Ninja Gaiden by Marc Host
Parasite Eve II by Jake Alley
Spore by Jonathon Anderson
Star Ocean: The Last Hope by Andrew Bentley
Suikoden IV by Mike Zeller
Super Paper Mario by Alois Wittwer
Tales of Vesperia by Thomas Nickel
Vagrant Story by Jeremy Signor
Xenogears by Jeremy Parish
Yoshi’s Island DS by Philip Armstrong

Staff Roll

Jake Alley cannot be revived, because you only talked to Nameless NPC #37 17 times before first entering the second dungeon.

According to prophecy, Jonathon Anderson is one of two warrior magicians fated to save mankind.

Michael Apps is not a collection of iPhone applications that have gained sentience.

While carrying Baby Philip Armstrong, Yoshi gains the ability to turn eggs into a somewhat decent frittata.

Andrew Bentley wonders who the left hand of the villain is.

Ben Elgin’s monochromatic pixellated avatar has difficulty navigating curbs and other short ledges.

Lee Hathcock wonders if the Konami Code would help him finally finish his Ph.D.

Just a Marc Host. Get out of here!

Tyler Lindner lacks Rumble Pak support, but we’re too polite to say anything.

Aaron Littleton has got his eyes on the horizon.

Paul McLain’s weak point is... !! Whoops! There I go, talking too much again...

Thomas Nickel kindly asks Namco Bandai to make one final Tales game and call it Tales of Generia.

Nadia Oxford’s murderous rages can be controlled with the “Influence” skill (“Yes, sir!”).

Jeremy Parish died from exhaustion a few issues ago; his body simply hasn’t stopped twitching.

Alex Reo has a little brother named Skates who will take his place in the next two GameSpite volumes.

Jeremy Signor spent entirely too much time lost in the Fangbacks Building.

Alois Wittwer will muffle the wails of your frightened soul.

Mike Zeller is gonna get down, get down, get down, get down tonight.

Layouts, edits, and cover by Jeremy Parish.
All issue text available for free (eventually) at www.gamespite.net. Come talk about video games, personal issues, and grotesque fan art at GameSpite’s forum, Talking Time.

GameSpite Journal 11 Copyright Indicia: The images reproduced in this volume are printed under the banner of fair use as supplemental visuals to support critical writing. Our words belong to us, but we make no claim to the works and images in question. They belong to.....

The images reproduced in this volume are printed under the banner of fair use as supplemental visuals to support critical writing. Our words belong to us, but we make no claim to the works and images in question. As usual, most images in this volume have been sourced from the following sites, with explicit permission of the site owners and curators: Hardcore Gaming 101 (http://hg101.kontek.net); The Video Game Musuem (http://www.vgmuseum.com); and the Let’s Play Archive (http://www.lparchive.org).