GameSpite Journal Issue 11
Spring 2012: Second Chances

GameSpite Journal 11 -- 118 pages of pure video game love (spite?) in a delectable 6x9 book format -- is a book for nerds. If you are a nerd, you should buy a copy. Or just read it for free online when the articles go up.

Available from GameSpite's Blurb bookstore in four versions to best fit your interests and budget:

All content is exactly the same across all versions. This edition was specifically designed for full-color, but the words are just as interesting and the historical revisionism just as retcontastic regardless of format.

"Second Chances"

“GameSpite” has not, to date, been a particularly appropriate name for this publication. I adopted the moniker with the intent of launching a games journalism satire comic strip, which was back before I realized that games journalism is already chillingly self-satirical by nature. So, we ended up with a web and print venture with the term “spite” in its name despite the fact that the content has not, by and large, been particularly spiteful.

Cynicism and negativity are, to my thinking, a worthless commodity these days. Any jackass can go online and make broad, strawman complaints about something. Nitpicking is the lowest common denominator of self-expression. Sarcasm is the literary tool of the inept. It’s far easier to destroy than to create, as they say, and the same holds true for criticism. Let the lazy and unambitious tear down others’ hard work; we prefer to champion the good, or at least to mull the failings of the bad in a constructive way. But isn’t it weird that something called “GameSpite” is only about games we like? What about the things we don’t? How come we never write about those?

Well, now we have. GameSpite Journal 11 revolves entirely around games we hate or otherwise find disappointing... but again, our better nature betrays us. Rather than simply bag on these works, we’ve instead chosen to revisit them and give them a fair shake. Myself, I’ve specifically selected a few games that I’ve built something of a reputation around naysaying and replayed them with the willingness to admit I was wrong. Some games we found ourselves appreciating with the insight of greater maturity; others, well... sometimes you just have to trust your instincts. But whether we make peace with our old foes or simply find ourselves further estranged, we’ve done our best to be fair. Ain’t that nice of us?

Jeremy Parish
April 15, 2012

In This Issue

Staff Roll

Jake Alley cannot be revived, because you only talked to Nameless NPC #37 17 times before first entering the second dungeon.

According to prophecy, Jonathon Anderson is one of two warrior magicians fated to save mankind.

Michael Apps is not a collection of iPhone applications that have gained sentience.

While carrying Baby Philip Armstrong, Yoshi gains the ability to turn eggs into a somewhat decent frittata.

Andrew Bentley wonders who the left hand of the villain is.

Ben Elgin’s monochromatic pixellated avatar has difficulty navigating curbs and other short ledges.

Lee Hathcock wonders if the Konami Code would help him finally finish his Ph.D.

Just a Marc Host. Get out of here!

Tyler Lindner lacks Rumble Pak support, but we’re too polite to say anything.

Aaron Littleton has got his eyes on the horizon.

Paul McLain’s weak point is... !! Whoops! There I go, talking too much again...

Thomas Nickel kindly asks Namco Bandai to make one final Tales game and call it Tales of Generia.

Nadia Oxford’s murderous rages can be controlled with the “Influence” skill (“Yes, sir!”).

Jeremy Parish died from exhaustion a few issues ago; his body simply hasn’t stopped twitching.

Alex Reo has a little brother named Skates who will take his place in the next two GameSpite volumes.

Jeremy Signor spent entirely too much time lost in the Fangbacks Building.

Alois Wittwer will muffle the wails of your frightened soul.

Mike Zeller is gonna get down, get down, get down, get down tonight.

Layouts, edits, and cover by Jeremy Parish.
All issue text available for free (eventually) at Come talk about video games, personal issues, and grotesque fan art at GameSpite’s forum, Talking Time.

All magazine text is © its respective author.

GameSpite Journal 11 Copyright Indicia: The images reproduced in this volume are printed under the banner of fair use as supplemental visuals to support critical writing. Our words belong to us, but we make no claim to the works and images in question. They belong to.....

Battletoads ©1991 Rare/Tradewest | Black Sigil ©2009 Studio Archcraft/Graffitti | Breath of Fire III ©1998 Capcom | Chrono Cross ©2000 Square/Square EA | Company of Heroes ©2006 Relic/THQ | Dark Castle ©1986 Silicon Beach Software | Dawn of War II ©2009 Relic/THQ | Demon’s Souls ©2009 From/Sony/Atlus | Eternal Sonata ©2007 Tri-crescendo/Namco | Final Fantasy VII ©1997 Square/Sony | Final Fantasy VIII ©1999 Square/Square EA | Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode | ©1988 Saito Pro/Vic Tokai | Grandia III ©2006 Game Arts/Square Enix | Heavy Rain ©2010 Quantic Dream/Sony | King’s Quest: Mask of Eternity ©1998 Sierra | The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass | ©2007 Nintendo | Mega Man Legends ©1998 Capcom | Metal Gear Solid 4 ©2008 Konami | Metroid ©1986 Nintendo | Metroid II ©1991 Nintendo | Ninja Gaiden ©1989-2004 Tecmo | Parasite Eve II ©2000 Square/Square EA | Spore ©2009 Maxis | Star Ocean: The Last Hope ©2008 Tri-Ace/Square Enix | Suikoden IV ©2004 Konami | Super Paper Mario ©2007 Nintendo | Tales of Vesperia ©2007 Tales Studio/Namco | Vagrant Story ©2000 Square/Square EA | Xenogears ©1998 Square/Square EA | Yoshi’s Island DS ©2007 Artoon/Nintendo

The images reproduced in this volume are printed under the banner of fair use as supplemental visuals to support critical writing. Our words belong to us, but we make no claim to the works and images in question. As usual, most images in this volume have been sourced from the following sites, with explicit permission of the site owners and curators: Hardcore Gaming 101 (; The Video Game Musuem (; and the Let’s Play Archive (