Thumbnail Theatre: Metal Gear Solid: Part 2

Campbell:Snake, go downstairs, find some C4 plastique and blow stuff up until you find ARMSTECH president Kenneth Baker.

Snake: Yay! New weapon! It's like Christmas without the artificial pine scent.

Ocelot: Hey Snake, been waitin' for ya.

Snake: Huh, and here I thought this was a covert operation.

Ocelot: Watch me slam my long bullet into this shaft, hur hur hur.

Baker: UHNN! UHNN! UHNN!

Snake: You're both freaks! Between Baker's creepy moaning sounds and Ocelot's ridiculous innuendos, I feel like I'm fighting in a seventh-grade classroom.

Ninja: Here's a joke: how do you titillate an ocelot? You cut its hand off!

Ocelot: I don't get i--OW!

Ninja: I guess I need to work on my delivery.

Ninja: OWWWWAAAAGHHHH!

Snake: Uh, that was weird. What just happened?

Baker: Sorry, no time to explain, I'm about to have a heart attack. Here's an optical disk with Metal Gear data on it.

Snake: You suck.

Baker: You don't like me putting the world at risk just to line my pockets? Bite me. UGH!

Snake: Another one bites the dust. Is it my breath?

Meryl: Well, you already have a reputation as a lady-killer. Maybe you're branching out!

Snake: Just for that stupid remark, rookie, I'm invoking Action Movie Cliche #47 (grizzled veteran sternly instructs novice not to become involved).

Meryl: Yeah? Well I'm making use of my right to Action Movie Cliche #47-b (rookie refuses to lay low and later turns out to be an invaluable asset, forcing grizzled vet to eat crow).

Snake: OK, but don't come crying to me if you end up living out Action Movie Cliche #47-c (rookie refuses to lay low and becomes a liability, learning the error of his/her boldness too late).

Deepthroat: Look out, Snake! My name is Deepthroat and you're walking into a trap!

Snake: Deepthroat? You mean like the porn movie?

Deepthroat: Make it past the minefield and tank and maybe I'll tell you, big guy.

Snake: Wow, my life has purpose again.

Raven: Stop right there, snake-boy. This is an ambush.

Snake: Oh, give me a break. I already did the "tank boss" thing in the first Metal Gear. This won't even slow me down.

Raven: Yes... I know. *ominous foreshadowing*

Snake: So this is the warhead disposal facility?

Hideo Kojima: NUKES ARE VEDDY, VEDDY BAD. GRRR NUKES.

Naomi:Yes, and you could set one off if you're not careful. Which is why we've deactivated your weapons while you're in here. It's not because we're sadists and want to watch you squirm and die, honest.

Deepthroat: Snake! Watch out!

Snake: Oh, it's you again. Are you going to tell me if you're from that porn flick now?

Deepthroat: No, you moron, I'm warning you not to fry your sorry butt on that electrified floor. Now go downstairs and kill guards in the bathroom so you can collect a guided missile.

Snake: There's something unholy about shooting a urinating man in the back of the head, but whatever you say.


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