Thumbnail Theatre: Metal Gear Solid: Part 3

Ninja: Where is my friend? And don't think I'll accept your being sequestered here in this locked, guarded room, isolated from all the events which have transpired in the past few hours as an excuse for saying "I don't know what you're talking about."

Otacon:But... I really don't know what you're talking about. The only thing I know is that I just downed a 64-oz. "Abyss Boy" a little while ago. Aw geez, see?

Snake: Leave the nerd alone! I need to use him for his mind and then discard the leftover husk when I'm done.

Ninja: Let's fight!

Snake: Uh, sure, OK. Just don't slip on the wet spot.

Ninja: Yes! Yes! Oh, sweet pain! More! More! More! Oh YES!

Snake: You people are all weird. Am I the only one who doesn't have some bizarre sexual fixation around here?

Otacon:I don't. I'm in love with a perfectly normal vicious murderer. And besides, your name is "Solid Snake." You can't tell me that doesn't have "Freudean overtones" written all over it.

Snake: Let's change the subject. Did you invent Metal Gear?

Otacon:Yes, as a weapon of love and peace! It fires flowers and rainbows and turns incoming warheads into puppies and butterflies!

Snake: Sounds about right, if by "flowers and rainbows" you mean "nuclear missiles."

Otacon:Oh no, how could it be that I've invented a weapon specifically for the purpose of filling everyone with warm fuzzy joy and never once realized that it was better suited for dropping nuclear weapons on faraway nations!?

Snake: My guess would be it's because you're a big idiot.

Campbell:Snake, go meet up with Meryl and be sure to put my beloved niece, an inexperienced solider, in harm's way.

Meryl: Let's go to the ladies' room, Snake! We have so much to talk about! *giggle*

Snake: Hey, this is just a men's room with no urinals. So much for the mystique of the Forbidden Room.

Meryl: I've been conditioned to be a perfect soldier! I have no interest in men. Um, hey, let's get naked.

Snake: You're not acting normal at all, so I guess I should beat the stuffing out of you.

Mantis: D'oh! You broke my control. And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you pesky military advisors. But I can read your mind! You'll never defeat me!

Campbell:Snake, use the second controller!

Snake: Is it even slightly possible to reconcile this "second controller" trick with the façade of reality we've been trying to promote?

Mantis: Not at all, but now that you've defeated me I have no choice but to reveal that I'm actually a nice guy who just happens to be a deranged lunatic that revels in the slaughter of innocents.

Meryl: Mantis, you suck.

Mantis: Maybe, but Snake sucks even worse. Anyway, let me help you proceed in your mission to stop our plan for no good reason whatsoever.

Meryl: Snake, watch out for the invincible wolves!

Snake: Meryl, watch out for the invisible Wolf!

Meryl: Pain! I guess it's Action Movie Cliche #47-c after all. Boy, is my face red! Wait, that's from blood spatters, not embarrassment.

Otacon:Snake, Meryl's dying, so now would be a great time to traipse back to the very beginning of the game.

Snake: Good plan! I'm sure she'll be perfectly safe bleeding profusely beneath a sniper perch as I spend half an hour running through this base.


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