Thumbnail Theatre: Princess Mononoke Part 1

Demon Boar: Die, humans! Mwah hah hah!

Ashitaka: Die, pig!

Demon Boar: OK, but you're coming with me.

Villagers: You saved us from the raging demon god, Ashitaka! As our way of saying "thanks," we'd like to exile you.

Ashitaka: Well, nuts. Now I have to go meet the Great Forest Spirit.

Jiko Bo: Hello, I am a monk who talks like a redneck reading from a script. May I join you?

Ashitaka: ...

Jiko Bo: I am very intelligent. But I sound like a hick.

Ashitaka: ...

Jiko Bo: OK, bye!

Wolves: Die, humans!

San: Die, humans!

Ashitaka: Wow, that girl looks and acts (and probably smells) just like a wolf! I think I'm in love.

Eboshi: Protect the oxen from the wolves! Oh, and the people too... oops, too late.

Ashitaka: I'm the good guy. I will help them.

Kodama: You're the good guy. We will help you.

Ashitaka: Hey, wolf girl! I'm the good guy. Please help me.

San: Shove off, creep.

Eboshi: Thanks for helping my people, good guy. In gratitude, I will reveal the fact that our city is murdering nature and that we caused your evil affliction.

Ashitaka: I'm the good guy, so I won't cut off your head. Even though I really want to.

San: Die, humans!

Ashitaka: I am the good guy. I will save you so people can live in peace with nature! Also, I will save you because you're pretty hot.

San: But I don't wanna be saved! Die, human!

Ashitaka: Don't make me sic my demon worms on you! You're Mononoke, right?

San: No, I'm San.

Ashitaka: What? So where did the movie get its title? Argh, now I'm confused. Argh, bullets hurt.

Wolves: Die, human!

Apes: Die, human!

San: Wait, I want to kill him. Or save him. Something like that.


Back to Thumbnail Theatre | Next: Part Two