San: I want Ashitaka to die. But I will save him. Gasp! What's this feeling!?

Ashitaka: For me, it's a feeling of intense pain from a gunshot wound. Ugh.

Forest Spirit: RISE FROM THY GRAVE

Ashitaka: I live!

Boar God: My name is Okkotonushi. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Ashitaka: Your father sucked.

Boar God: Very well, then I won't kill you.

Ashitaka: San helped me. I'm falling in love with her.

Wolves: Go away or I'll bite off your head.

Ashitaka: Hmmm, these are going to be some tough in-laws.

Jiko Bo: Isn't my bear costume cute? Look! I'm Lain! C'mon, Navi, let's go kill the god who protects the forest and keeps it healthy!

Eboshi: Yay! That would be fun!

Boar God: Let's go kill the humans who murder the forest and make it die!

San: Yay! That would be fun!

Ashitaka: I'm the good guy. I will stop them all.

Boar God: Argh! Madness! I'm livin' la vida loca!

San: Oh no! Okkotonushi's gone mad! Now I'm reduced to being some helpless chick in a tentacle flick!

Jiko Bo: OK, let's kill that god! Uh... you do it.

Eboshi: Worthless -trash-. Die, god!

Forest God: Oh, it's the -Slayer of God-. I'm taking everyone with me, though.

Jiko Bo: Um, well, I've done my dirty deed for the day. Later!

Kodama: Aiiiieeee.

Jiko Bo: OK, fine. Have your head back!

Ashitaka: We're cured! It's a happy ending!

San: Except that the forest spirits are all dead. Also, I love you but hate our entire species.

Ashitaka: That's OK, we can live apart while I make "con-jungle" visits to see you. Meanwhile, I'll help rebuild the thing that destroyed all you hold dear. That won't be a problem, will it?

Eboshi: Right! Rebuilding Iron Town won't bring back the forest, but who cares about that crap?

San: Shut up, I'm trying to moralize here.