First appearance: Zork II (Infocom, PC, 1982)
Special powers: Knows a vast array of magic spells
Special notes: Employs them erratically and at random
Nature of demise: Eaten by a big ol’ demon

Profile by Jeremy Parish? | March 7, 2011

“Spurn me, will you?” The wizard’s aged face quivered with palpable fury. His whiskers twitched in time to the peals of thunder that boomed outside the castle. Below, the mechanisms of Flood Control Dam #1 groaned at the sudden swell of river water caused by the storm the enchanter's rage had summoned.

Lord Dimwit Flathead was having none of it. The doddering old fool was useless on the best of days -- what need did such as the Great Underground Empire have for a mage, when science and culture provided its every need? -- and he’d grown dangerously erratic in his dotage. The time had come for his retirement. Forced, if need be.

“I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this,” sighed the regent, shifting on his throne. “But you leave me no choice. You are hereby exiled from the Great Underground Empire. By the pact of ages past, you are henceforth barred from this kingdom upon pain of death.”

The wizard stopped his brewing rant mid-inhalation. Such words were powerful, the weft and weave of reality itself, and he had no choice but to obey. Red with apoplexy, the aged man made a curt -- and quite rude -- gesture with his hands, vanishing. Lord Flathead was relieved to see the situation resolved with so little conflict, and lived out the remainder of his days blessedly free of the wizard’s incompetence.

The wizard had the last laugh. In time, Flathead succumbed to mortality, as did his heirs, as did the Empire itself. Yet the wizard lived on, and his memory proved quite retentive regarding his desire for vengeance -- much to the dismay of those who stumbled upon the Empire’s remains, years later....

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