Games | Weekly Game Releases | Blog | Week of March 25, 2008: This week brings us a bunch of sequels to and offshoots of established series, and a smattering of original titles.
List compiled by reibeatall and Sarcasmorator | Imports by parish, courtesy of NCS | Posted March 24, 2008
Game of the week
SquareEnix | Sony PSP | Fanservice
Before you shun this game as being nothing but un-fun fanservice, remember this fact. Parish, who's all bloo bloo bloo Final Fantasy VII is poop, didn't hate Crisis Core. That alone says... something.
But yeah, Crisis Core is a prequel to Final Fantasy VII, focusing on the object of Cloud's man-crush, Zack. Spoilers: Zack gets shot in the stomach on the way into Midgar. And, guess what -- the Titanic? It totally sinks.
Also appearing in stores
Harvest Moon DS: Cute
Natsume | Nintendo DS | Farming
Forget the hooker-killing and drug-running of Grand Theft Auto, Harvest Moon is where the real soul of gaming lies. There's nothing as intense as managing your time between watering your crops, feeding your animals, and finding love. This time, you get to be a girl, tending the farm for your useless, lazy-ass man!
Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword
Tecmo | Nintendo DS | Hot and Steamy Ninja on Ninja Action
The first real action game for the Nintendo DS* is finally released this week, and it's about bloody time. Guide master ninja Ryu Hyabusa through areas he's already been in fighting enemies he's already fought. But this time, use your stylus to bitchslap unsuspecting ninjas instead of a controller the size of an aircraft!
Our only question: Tecmo keeps releasing Ninja Gaidens, but when are they going to create Ninja?
*Tomonobu Itagaki said it, so it must be true.
D3 | PS3/Xbox 360 | Action
Without really knowing much about this game, I've decided that the only reason you should have any interest in it is that little three-blade spinning death contraption that Generic Character No. 34512 is holding on the cover. What zany and average adventures could one take part in with one of those? It'd probably make all our day jobs easier.
"Hey Johnson! Where's that report I need?"
"It's right--- HERE!"
"You just threw something sharp at me and now I die. I'll haunt you forever, Johnson."
Also, he's a mutant or some such, but who cares?
Viking: Battle for Asgard
Sega | PS3/Xbox 360 | Action
It's about time Thor listened to my prayers. I had started to worry they'd never be heard. Not a day goes by where I don't look at myself in the mirror and say "What the gaming industry needs is a terribly average game about Vikings." Thanks, Sega, now I can go to my fiery boat funeral in peace.
Downloadable Contentment: This Week in DLC
Wii VC: King's Knight
Square| NES via Wii | Shooter
Riddle me this: Why do we get a crappy-looking vertical shooter from Square -- yes, a shooter starring a knight in armor -- instead of something cool like, oh, I dunno, Chrono Trigger?
(The joke is that there's no good answer. Lots of bad ones, though.)
Wii VC: Powerball
Sega | Genesis via Wii | Futuristic sports
I'm always getting Powerball mixed up with Rollerball in the future-sports drawer of my mind. Honestly, I'd rather buy $8 worth of Powerball lottery tickets than play this.
Wouldn't it be cool if they made a video game version of Murderball, though?
Microsoft | Xbox 360 | Puzzle
A colored-tile-matching puzzle game on the Xbox Live Arcade -- just what the Xbox 360 needs to keep apace with Wii in the cutthroat casual gamer space!
Big in Japan: This Week's imports
Kidou Senshi Gundam 00
Bandai Namco | DS | Japanimation!!
Wow, another Gundam game! Apparently these are the only new games Japan still buys, bar brain training and Dragon Quest, so no wonder they produce a new one every week. "Diminishing returns," you say? What are those?
Milestone | DS | Music?
Did you know "trump" is British slang for "break wind"? It's true, I read it in Scary-Go-Round. And trump is short for trumpet, and a trumpet is the best-known brass instrument. Therefore this is a game about passing gas. God, I love high-brow entertainment.
Milestone Collection: Karous
Milestone | Wii | Shoots and leaves
I just spent a week and a half in Japan in two different locations with bizarrely strong ties to "karasu," the Japanese word for crow, which has something or another to do with this game. That has no bearing whatsoever on the quality of Karous' gameplay, but after using signs for "Karasumori" and "Karasuma-Oike" as guideposts for every single expedition in a strange foreign land, the kanji for crow has been burned indelibly into my brain. Said kanji actually resembles a sort of freakish, mutant bird, causing every mention of the word to make me relapse into a leering, waking nightmare of ideogrammatic death-beasts. So basically, screw you, Milestone.
Sega Ages 32: Phantasy Star Collection
Sega | PS | RPGs
Sega compiles every damn thing related to Phantasy Star as part of its increasingly-totally-great Sega Ages line. That includes the text adventures! And there'll almost certainly be English translations... for the stuff that was already translated for English. So really, if you own Sega Genesis Collection, the only thing here to appeal to people who don't speak the nihon-go is a PS2-capable version of PS1. So! Yeah.
Simple DS: The Genshijin
D3 | DS | Pikmin
D3's crappy Pikmin rip-off gets a DS port, where hopefully it won't suffer from the insane loading times that plagued the PS2 version. But that won't necessarily make it any more fun! Seriously, where is our DS port of Zombies Vs. Ambulance?
Talk about how crappy these games are!