As seen in: Battletoads (NES)
Also in: Battletoads & Double Dragon (NES)
Distinguishing feature: Inherent toadness, and one pair dark sunglasses.
Strengths: Crushing baddies with disproportionately large fists, feet, and heads.
Weaknesses: Rendered speechless by large enemies; multiplayer glitches.

Profile by Wesley Fenlon? | December 14, 2009

The year is 1991, and Turtlemania is in full swing. Toys are snatched from the shelves, films are purchased on VHS, and children everywhere glue themselves to the TV every afternoon for a healthy dose of kicking shell. Even the Nintendo Entertainment System falls prey to the Ninja Turtles' clammy green grasp, launching the quartet into a successful beat-'em-up gaming franchise. But popularity inevitably breeds imitation and competition, and one group of daring amphibians had the tenacity to challenge the Turtles on their own turf. These were no Ninja Turtles, named for enlightened Renaissance artisans. These were the Battletoads -- mad, bad, and crazy. And clearly aiming a little lower on the brow than their inspirations, given that their names came from various skin conditions.

Zitz, Rash and Pimple began life as a trio of innocent kids, out to have a good time and play some video games. And although sources differ on the why and how, one thing is for certain—the three clueless youngsters, once known by the names Morgan, Dave, and George, were suddenly and permanently sucked into an alternate dimension where they became the Battletoads.

Zitz found himself decked out in jet black gauntlets, spiked knee pads, and a Battletoads-branded belt -- suitably self-promoting for the group's smarter-than-your-average-toad leader. Rash made up for his smaller stature with an excess of wisecracks, and sports a pair of totally hip sunglasses. Pimple stood out thanks to his brown skin and massive stature, and a quick glance could confirm that he was the real muscle of the group.

Before they could even acclimate themselves to their altered bodies, the Toads were confronted by their instant arch-nemesis, the evil Dark Queen, who absconded with the muscle-bound Pimple and their new friend, the princess Angelica.

With a little help from Professor T. Bird and a whole lot of butt-kicking, the Toads sent the Dark Queen and her army of anthropomorphic pig men packin'. But their victory didn't last long. She returned with a vengeance again and again, kidnapping one or two Battletoads at a time in an effort to slow their crime-fighting progress. It never worked, of course. No matter how difficult the situation, the Toads could decimate the Dark Queen's armies with ruthless, exaggerated punches, kicks, and headbutts. In later adventures, the Toads were even seen dispatching hordes of vermin by way of transformed appendages, turning their fists and legs into deadly blades or other sharp objects guaranteeing a gruesome demise.

After a few adventures of their own, rumor has it Zitz, Rash and Pimple felt like branching out and making new friends. The amphibious trio formed what's come to be known in hero circles as The Ultimate Team by allying with the Lee brothers of Double Dragon fame. With their deft skill at the controls of even the fastest vehicle and their ass-kicking prowess already well-documented, odds are the Battletoads didn't really need help pounding evil's face in. But sometimes it's nice to have a little company.

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