Thumbnail Theatre | Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith | Part Three

Palpatine: Peace through oppression is the best and truest kind of peace!

Anakin: Right! And backstabbing your allies is the best and truest kind of loyalty. I'm catching on, eh?

Palpatine: Execute order 69. Er, sorry, I mean Order 66.

Yoda: The broad side of a barn stormtroopers could not hit. Funny how against the Jedi so effective they suddenly are.

Aayla: Yeah, seriously, what the hell?

Ki-Adi-Mundi: George Lucas, you suck.

Obi-wan: By the ghost of Alec Guiness! Killed by my own minions? Good thing this convenient body of water broke my fall.

Anakin: Hey, kids, it's Annie time! Guess what?

Padawans: Yay, what?

Anakin: I'm an irredeemable bastard now!

Padawans: Oh.

Yoda: Yoda phone home. Farewell, Chewbacca! See you, Lando! Adios, Jek Porkins! May the Force be with you, Bossk! And keep it real, Nien Nunb! Alright, I think that pretty much accounts for every character from the original trilogy.

Padme: Oh, Anakin, I'm so glad you're safe. I was terribly worried about you when the Jedi were ruthlessly murdered.

Anakin: Oh, ha ha... funny story about that... Uh, anyway, I'm off to commit wholesale slaughter of the helpless. You know, for justice and stuff.

Anakin: Heya, Separatist guys! I'm Darth Vader, and boy do I have a surprise for you!

Palpatine: Attention, Senate! To combat the terrorist threat posed by the Jedi, I wish to introduce an exciting new bill I call "The Patriot Act." Also, I hope you don't mind if occasionally we wiretap your phones. Oh, and when you take fluids onto your spaceships, they must be in 3-oz. quantities carried in Ziploc bags. This, I command!

Padme: Damn you, George Bush! I mean, uh, Palpatine.

Yoda: Available to the public does Palpatine make high-security conversations from his private chambers. But look at them you should not.

Obi-wan: It's cool, I'm on a need-to-know basis.

Anakin: Yo! I'm evil!

Obi-wan: Oh. I guess maybe I didn't need to know about this.

Padme: Wait, you're telling me that Anakin is the second most evil and cunning person in the galaxy now? Are we talking about the same Anakin, here? You know, Annie, retarded little kid, awkward doofus who thinks comparing me to sand is romantic? That Anakin? The one who couldn't think his way out of a wet paper bag?

Obi-wan: Yes, well, he managed to conceive a baby with the galaxy's hottest senator, so I'd say he's capable of a great deal despite seeming like a complete idiot.

Palpatine: So, the war's over. See, I told you -- fascism is the fastest path to peace. Gwah hah hah!

Anakin: Baby, I love you. That's why I want to take over the galaxy for you! It'll be my second greatest conquest. Right after you! Bow chicka wow wow.

Padme: You're the most horrible human being alive.

Anakin: Aw, baby, why you gotta make me hurt you?

Obi-wan: Choking your pregnant wife? Smooth move, Ex-lax. Speaking of which, you don't look so good. I brought some laxatives with me if you need 'em. They're chocolatey!

Anakin: For the last damn time, I'm not constipated! I'm just frustrated because I'm the galaxy's biggest screw-up and I'm trying hard to convince myself it's your fault! Hgrhrrrrgggh!

Obi-wan: Anakin, you know this can't end well. I read the Return of the Jedi novelization a good 20 years ago -- you're destined for a lava bath.

Obi-wan: Remember, only the Sith deal in absolutes! Uh, wait a second, that didn't come out right.

Palpatine: Ah, Yoda! Come and drink your Palpatine! To ho ho ho!

Yoda: Defeat love and peace the Dark Side never can!

Palpatine: Pathetic! You sound like a chapter from a self-help manual! Vwee hee hee!

Palpatine: OK, so you're a really powerful chapter from a self-help book. Time to cheese it, methinks. Nyah ha ha!

Yoda: Hm, chase him now and decades of suffering spare the galaxy, or in a swamp live out the rest of my life while freedom the Sith destroy. Of these, which the correct choice is?

Yoda: Eh, the hell with it. Senator Organa, let's book.

Obi-wan: I win, Anakin! I have the high ground! See what I did there? I'm talkin' tactically and morally. Pretty clever, huh?

Anakin: Pfft, whatever, dude. I'm awesome.

Obi-wan: Yeah, awesomely stumpy. Ew, and crispy, too.

Palpatine: Crap. Ah well, I guess half an apprentice is better than none, seeing as we killed off all my other prospective choices a little while ago. Bwah hah.

Padme: Yay, babies. Now I can die happily of, uh, sadness.

Obi-wan: Funny, that's how millions of Star Wars fans feel right now.

Vader: So, I'm a robot now. But I can still have those conjugal visits with Padme, right?

Palpatine: Oh, yeah, about that. I figure... necrophilia is probably a little gross, even for a Sith lord.

Vader: She's... she's dead? Nooo!

Palpatine: Yes, and your sorrow is so profoundly ridiculous that it just launched one of the most annoyingly pervasive Internet memes ever.


Yoda: Well, that's that. Now setting things up for the original trilogy is all we have left, even if any damn sense our decisions make not.

Threepio: I should say so! Why does my memory have to be erased, dammit?

Your Childhood: Are you kidding? I'd kill to have the last two hours wiped from my memory.

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